So if you've purchased a new Hawaiian shirt to attend the big Manny Pacquiao concert in Waikiki on Sunday, you might want to consider returning it. Ticket sales for "Manny Pacquiao Live In Hawaii Concert Celebration" did not exactly reach Elvis-like proportions; in fact, after only 603 tickets were sold for the 8,000-plus seat Hawaiian venue, the concert was canceled.

You could learn a thing or two from Elvis, Manny. He had all the tools.

Now it can be told: Manny Pacquiao didn't beat Joshua Clottey on Saturday; it was the Banku and Okro stew. In an excuse to rival the fabled George Foreman tainted water bottle and the Roberto Duran "No Mas" bad clams defense, Clottey said that a bowl of bad stew caused stomach distress so foul that he was "not in the right frame of mind" when losing to Pacquiao.

Speaking to Joy News, the 32 year old Ghanaian boxer said he suspected an ingredient used in preparing local Ghanaian dish- Banku and Okro stew he ordered to be prepared for him to eat as possible cause for the diarrhea.

Only in America!

For those of you out there who are still fancy yourselves fans of the sweet science, in particular the heavyweight division - there are still a few of you out there, right? - the news that Mike Tyson might return to the ring to face Evander Holyfield for the third time either thrills you or completely terrifies you, as the prospect of this fight might in fact be the event that signals the death of heavyweight boxing as we know it.

But whichever side of the fence you find yourself on regarding this potential spectacle, promoter Don King says, "Not so fast."

And if you cannot believe Don King, who can you believe in this crazy world, right?

Tommy Morrison, the former WBO heavyweight champion who is better known for his acting career - co-starring with Sylvester Stallone in Rocky V - and his controversial decision to continue boxing after being diagnosed as HIV-positive in 1996, was arrested Thursday in the parking lot outside of a health club in Wichita, Kansas on suspicion of marijuana possession.

And as it often goes in these sticky-icky situations, Morrison - not trying to be blunt, of course - maintains this is one big misunderstanding.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it.

And now, in lieu of math, we shall have Fight Club, children. Please move your desks to form a circle. Jennifer, would you be so kind as to keep a lookout at the door in case the principal should walk by? Um, in case someone needs stitches, anyone here know how to sew? That was the scene at a Queens elementary school last week, as a 29-year-old instructor and his 43-year-old teacher's aide are in kind of big trouble for letting two pupils -- aged 9 and 10 -- "fight out their differences" in the middle of the classroom. The instructor, Joseph Gullotta, was charged with two counts of acting in a manner injurious to a child under 17, and could face up to a year in jail if convicted.

So your dreams of a Manny Pacquiao-Floyd Mayweather Jr. Superfight of the Decade ended the way that your dreams always do, in shambles, with you turning to booze and cable TV soft porn to hide the terrible hurt within. But now comes word that Pacquiao has found another opponent; one who will not require steroid, DNA and gender testing before entering the ring, presumably. Meet Joshua Clottey, 35-3 with 20 knockouts, who lost a split decision to Miguel Cotto in June. This according to the boxing blog Bad Left Hook, which also thinks that March 13 date may be a mistake.

There was only one thing missing from the Manny Pacquiao-Floyd Mayweather drama, and that thing of course was lawyers. Well, they're here. Let's get ready to rumble, in court! In a tradition as old as the holiday itself, Pacquiao announced on Christmas that he will be suing Mayweather and Golden Boy Promotions for claiming that he takes illegal steroids. Pacquaio made the annoucement on his web site, which also came with an invitation to agree to the fight.

"Now, I say to Floyd Mayweather Jr., don't be a coward and face me in the ring, mano-a-mano and shut your big, pretty mouth," Pacquiao is quoted as saying on MPBoxing.com.

So this is either the greatest media run-up to a fight in the history of boxing, or one (or both) of these guys really don't want to tangle with each other. What happened to the good old days of Ali-Foreman, when you could get a nice African dictator to arrange all the details? Anyway, Floyd Mayweather Jr.-Manny Pacquiao in Vegas seems to be off -- unless it isn't -- and the accusations continue to fly. You're going to have to settle for those instead of fists, for now.

AOL Fanhouse talked with Pacquiao promoter Bob Arum, who had some choice things to say about the Mayweathers.

What am I going to do with these tickets to Las Vegas? Is there anything else to do there?

Promoter Bob Arum, who is starting to make Mr. Haney from Green Acres look like Walter Cronkite, says that the Floyd Mayweather Jr.-Manny Pacquiao "Fight of the Century" has been canceled. At issue is drug testing; how to do it, when to do it, and just how much blood to take (no topping off!). Actually, Mayweather's camp is insisting on random, Olympic-style blood testing, which Arum and Pacquiao are refusing to do. They say that Mayweather is just making ridiculous, Dracula-like conditions so that he doesn't have to fight Pacquiao. David Mayo of the Grand Rapids Press has the exclusive.

And almost no one is paying attention, because, well, the operative words in the headline are Tiger Woods. Manny Pacquiao has agreed to fight Floyd Mayweather Jr. somewhere (the Georgia Dome?) in what promises to be the most lucrative fight in boxing history (more than 5 million pay-per-view buys can be expected). But as a lead-in to that, rumors are running rampant that Pacquiao is cheating on his wife with actress Krista Ranillo.

When you think about it, what better time than now to have an affair? If your name isn't Tiger Woods, who's going to care?

Remember when Floyd Mayweather Jr. used to make it rain with actual $100 bills? Yeah, those were the days; when we all used to scamper from Vegas club to Vegas club hoping to catch a c-note or two in our beer glasses. (Hey! This one's fake!).

Mayweather is still making it rain, apparently; but I guess it's a sign of the times that he's now doing it by credit card. And it's by appointment only. Hey, can't pass up those valuable airline mileage points.

We take you now to fabulous Las Vegas, where Mayweather and his entourage roll up to a high-end new car dealership.